Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Sex Education

When my kids were little we got an old Tennessee Walking Horse Mare. Turns out the fellow had lied about her age and when we got her papers she was 23. I wanted to breed her once or twice so I'd have young horses on the place. Instead of simply paying a stud fee somewhere, I went out and bought a stallion. Yep, really did.

I loaded the kids and the golden retriever in the van, hitched my brand new horse trailer to the back and headed for Oklahoma to buy this young stallion that I hadn't even seen a picture of.

OK so call me crazy.

So I get there and this little horse is so much prettier than how they described him so I'm relieved. We load him up, and head home, a two day drive.

Is this a good place to mention that my dog refused to go to the bathroom in rest areas? By the time we would pull into a campground for the night she'd be sitting with her legs crossed and desperation in her eyes.

We get home and turn Kippy out on the pasture and Donna Rose comes in heat instantly. Lord only knows how long its been since she saw an intact male horse. According to the registry she'd had one colt at age 4.

So Kippy is a young stallion, age 5 and he is ready to go.

My daughter who must have been about ten or so walks up to me and with a look of complete disgust on her face says, "What's that pink thing?" I explained what it was. She says, "Well can't he put it away?" So I explain that he can't make a baby horse if it is put away. She says, "Well I don't like it." End of discussion.

My son who is maybe seven comes up to me and says "What's that?" So I tell him. By now it has occurred to me to use anatomically correct language. He says "Oh" and wanders off. End of discussion.

A few days later one of them asks, "Do they make a baby horse each time they do that?" I told them that it took practice to get it right. End of discussion.

And that's how my kids acquired their sex educations.

9 comments:

jennifer said...

You know I have to laugh when I read this (joyful) NOT because of what you wrote, but because I feel like it has been written for me! And it is about *S*E*X* I love it!

So the part about act natural and the kids will pick up on it? That is so hard for me. I'm about to be 37.... I'm sure that I will grow up one day.

I bought a book for the girls the other day. It had cartoon-like drawings about what their development will look like. The boobs, the hair, periods. How to use a tampon, ICK. It covered all of it in a chipper, young girl way. Not clinical looking. My only stipulation was that they were not to pull it out and giggle over it with sleep over company (I know, Yeah right), and to keep it away from their seven year old brother (he's not ready). I've talked to them about all of this and I am very matter of fact about what is happening to their bodies and emotions. Completely able to TALK about it with them. I just don't want vivid visuals, not even for myself!
Thank you for the story. I'm glad you have happy memories with your kids. I'm busy trying to make those memories now - I know they will grow up and won't be MINE anymore. Lord Wamblings, I dread it more than I want to admit. That may be when I become a totally different person. I hope she is a better house keeper than I am.

Wamblings said...

Yep Jen, I wrote this one just for you. My mom gave me seriously mixed messages. She TOLD me that sex inside of marriage was blessed and pure and good, stuff like that. But sex was a huge secret. Messages I picked up was that it was dirty. That that part of my body was dirty. Don't touch except to wash and wipe. Later she actually SAID not to expect it to be all wonderful like the media made it out to be. I really wonder if Momma is the clueless kind of gay. I'm 50, *OMG I can't believe that got past my finger censor* and she is 90. When we were growing up gay wasn't an option. Heck, she probably still thinks it is impossible for two women to have sex.

And there I am back to sex again and in reality sexuality is so much more than who you sleep with. 32 years of marriage and I was gay the whole time even though I slept exclusively with a man. I didn't look gay, yet I was. I wasn't in a gay lifestyle, but I was still a lesbian. I've raised a lovely religious daughter who looks a lot more "dyke" in her life than I ever did. Like I always did, she assumes herself straight. She still thinks gay isn't an option. Can't figure out how I can be coming out at my age and with my knowledge of the Bible.

Do I think Momma's mixed messages made me gay? No. I think they just made me confused.

Julianne said...

So, I guess I'm sending my kids to your house when they need their sex ed lesson, huh?

Wamblings said...

LOL Julianne, You can try, but now all we have are the two stallions (the original and his son) and two spayed dogs. 'fraid I won't be much help. It's nice when the kids grow up and you don't need to upkeep so many object lessons.

DaForeigner said...

HAHAHA....love this post. They got better sex ed than I ever got. I picked up everything I know from the "internet" :) Lame I know...but that was my education...

Think I turned out alright though...Mom tried to put the fear of God in us about sex. (my brother and I) Her biggest fear I think is me getting a girl knocked up and putting extra strain on my life.

NS said...

Kids can make my face redden faster than adults. LOL. Better you than me.

Wamblings said...

Rob, I guess the internet is better than nothing. Momma tried hard but had her own hangups. She brought home a library book when I was like 4 and that was supposed to prepare me for life. Fortunately, we later moved to a farm environment and I learned that it was all just a part of life.

Ns, When Sugar asked the question I said a baby name for it, by the time Kiddo asked, I used the medically correct name. I guess that was my real growing up day.

Edna Lee said...

Very cute story! As a teacher, I love the kid stories!

When my brother was in kindergarten (he's now 39), their class somehow got into a discussion that required some "anatomical" words. The teacher used the word wee-wee when referencing the male's "downstairs," and my brother, in his little five year old voice, chimed in with what our mother had told him: "It's called a penis and there's nothing wrong with that."

Our mother never fails to bring up that story at every family gathering.

Wamblings said...

Edna, thanks for visiting.

When my son was first big enough for fruit of the looms he discovered hard ons. This was way before the horses and correct terminology. So he comes to me with his underwear pulled down to proudly display it. "Look mommy, my got big peepee." I said, "That's nice dear now put it away." Husband and I have laughed about that one for years.